Losing it right now. Ready to snap. Worried about my momma, but cannot explain why, family matters ???? . One of my uncle's is very sick and needs professional help and hospitalization and meds, another is pissed at me for contacting him I think, also something I had no way of knowing, I was trying to contact him regarding a family emergency and caused him to get booted of his computer or whatever. I am so SORRY! How was I supposed to know!? My psychic abilities do not work that way. I feel like total dog shit because of that and because I had to ask someone else for help for a loved one because I am in no position to do much of anything right now, and I was specifically told if I ever am in a jam to contact this loved one. I have been sick and busted up so long the fucking doctor will not give me a medical release. I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. I cannot work. I am barely getting by. Bills are paid this month. My share. Now I start liquidating shit to square away next month's bills. I work so hard and seem to get nowhere. My relationship is a total mess. He gave up on himself and EVERYTHING when his momma died. He does not work. He does not have a license or a car. He needs to finish school credits. He plays video games and eats all day. He neglects his dogs. He had no will or goals to do anything. He spends his grocery money on weed then expects mw to feed him. He only shops once a month. Omfg! I cannot do any od this any more. The list goes on. I know my short comings and am open and honest about them all, but damn... the few areas I lack in are legitimate, there are reasons. My health, chronic pain, bipolar disorder, constantly broken bones make life and the quality of my life next to impossible. I am in a really dark place right now. And I am all cried out. I feel worthless, ugly, and unwanted and unloved by people I love the most. Especially Dean. So afraid if he does not get his Life together by April, we will not make it. That is the deadline. Everyone deserves better. Babe, Dean, I hope you are on board. Please pray for me everyone. Pray for us. I just refuse to live like this anymore. I am gonna start packing all my stuff except the essentials and my altar. Taking it day to day. All I can do. UcenterDress items to wear if the wedding ceremony hold in the beach ????